“Everyone says they want to be coached… until they are.”
Hey Rollers,
A viral clip has been doing the rounds the past couple of weeks.
It’s a courtside moment from Brenda Frese, the head coach of the University of Maryland women’s basketball team, and it’s not subtle.
In the middle of the game, she pulled one of her players, Oluchi Okananwa, aside, got up into her face, and delivered a message.
There was no softening of it with careful phrasing. There was no concern for how it might land in the moment. Just clarity, delivered in real time.
Here’s the 30 second clip:
It’s pretty intense. The kind of moment where you’re not entirely sure whether to admire it or question it.
The first question I found myself asking — which I’m slightly disappointed about on reflection — was, “I wonder what people are going to think?”
Instead, I should have been asking, “I wonder if that is what Oluchi needed in that moment?”
This second question was confirmed as the right one when I watched what came after.
In the post-match interview, Brenda Frese spoke about the interaction in a way that reframed the whole thing. She said, “The elite of the elite want to be coached.”
Watch the 60 second clip:
And then when Oluchi Okananwa was asked about that exact moment, she said something just as direct. She said, “I love to be coached hard. I needed it.”
Watch the 30 second clip:
As a coach myself, that was the part that I loved. Not just the moment itself, but the alignment around it. The coach didn’t hold back, and the player didn’t resist it. Both seemed to understand what was required, and what that kind of standard actually looks like in practice.
It got me thinking about how we tend to talk about coaching.
Most of us would say we’re open to it. We’d say we want feedback, that we want to improve, that we’re willing to be pushed. And in many cases, that’s probably true.
But only up to a point.
Because what we often mean is something slightly different. We’re open to being coached, as long as it’s delivered in a way that feels comfortable. Easy enough to take on without too much friction.
What we’re less sure about is what happens when that coaching looks like this clip. When it’s immediate, unfiltered, and directed at something we can’t easily explain away.
I’ve caught myself in that gap more than once. Saying I want to get better, but feeling the resistance when the feedback lands a little harder than expected. Wanting the outcome, but not always embracing the version of the process required to produce it.
What this raw moment highlighted for me is that being coachable isn’t really about whether you say you’re open to feedback. It’s about how you respond when the feedback is clear, the timing isn’t ideal, and the delivery isn’t shaped around your comfort.
It’s about whether you can separate how something feels from what it’s trying to do. To recognise that not all useful input arrives in a way that’s easy to receive.
When Frese said that the elite of the elite want to be coached, I don’t think she meant that they enjoy it in a superficial sense. It’s not about liking the moment. It’s about understanding what that moment is there to do, and accepting it anyway.
Which makes the question in the title of this newsletter a little more uncomfortable than it first appears.
Not whether you have a coach, or whether you say you want feedback, but whether you are willing to be coached as hard as you say you want to grow?
Until next week.
Keep rolling.
Justin 👊
Take Action in 3 Minutes:
Think back to the last time someone gave you feedback that didn’t sit entirely comfortably. Not something dramatic, just something direct enough to make you pause for a moment.
Spend a minute with this thought and consider how you responded. Not what you said, but what you did with it. Whether you let it in, or whether you instinctively softened it, explained it, or moved past it.
Just notice your response.
In most cases, that response will tell you more about your coachability than your intentions ever will.