“The more you can do, the more intentional you need to be.”
Hey Rollers,
One of the most exhausting things in life isn’t what we can’t do.
It’s what we can do, and often keep doing, even when we probably shouldn’t.
For the people pleasers, overachievers, and generalists out there, you know exactly what I mean.
You’ve got a spare room, so you say yes to a visitor.
You’ve got an open evening, so you squeeze in one more social catch-up.
You know how to solve the problem, so you take it on, again.
I’ve fallen into this trap more times than I care to admit.
I’m a recovering people pleaser, a chronic overachiever, and a specialist generalist – so I’ve got the trifecta.
And here’s what I’ve noticed:
The more capable you are, the more likely you are to get stuck doing things that no longer serve you, just because you can.
It’s not laziness, and it’s not selfishness.
It’s just that having capacity doesn’t mean you have to fill it.
Being able to help doesn’t mean it’s always yours to carry.
And time available isn’t the same as time well spent.
The danger is, consistent overcommitment doesn’t show up with flashing lights.
It’s quieter than that.
Like the lyrics from one of my favourite Rise Against songs:
“We’re all okay until the day we’re not.
The outside shines, while the inside rots.”
We can be holding it together on the surface while quietly burning out underneath.
Not even from failing, but from succeeding at things we never should’ve said yes to in the first place.
So how do we know when to say no?
Here’s the filter I’ve been using lately:
- Am I doing this just because I can?
- Does this feel like a should or a want?
- If I say yes to this, what does it take me a step closer to, or a step further away from?
Not every yes is generous.
Not every yes is wise.
Sometimes, the most respectful thing you can do, for yourself and others, is to pause, and choose with intention.
Until next week.
Keep rolling.
Justin 👊
Take Action in 3 Minutes
Take a moment and scan your week ahead.
- Where have you already said yes out of habit or guilt?
- Where are you defaulting to “should” when “want” hasn’t been considered?
- Where could you change a no into a yes, or a yes into a no?
Make one intentional adjustment.
Create space, and ease, where there was none.