“When you stop performing and start connecting, you’ll find the energy you need to thrive.”
Hey Rollers,
I’d been eyeing this past week in my calendar with a bit of trepidation.
There was nothing terrifying on it, just a fully loaded week of coaching and facilitation. Nearly 40 hours spent in front of people before I even got to my inbox.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know how full your weeks are too. But the nature of my work means holding space, being fully present, managing group dynamics, and diving into deep thinking. It’s hugely rewarding… but it requires serious energy, as I’m always “on.”
So when I took a moment to reflect yesterday morning (while on the elliptical working up a sweat, naturally), I was surprised by how energized I actually felt. I’d expected to be wrecked; instead, I felt fueled.
Why?
Simple. It was the people.
More specifically, it was the type of relationships I was in all week.
In The Courage to Be Disliked, the authors describe two types of relationships:
Vertical Relationships are power-based. One person is up, the other down. There’s hierarchy, comparison, and judgment. These relationships are transactional, and often draining, even when you’re the one “on top.” You’re performing, they’re pleasing, and no one’s really connecting.
Horizontal Relationships, on the other hand, are built on mutual respect and shared humanity. No one’s trying to win. There’s no need to dominate or convince. These are the relationships that give energy, rather than take it.
That was my week. Every interaction was horizontal. We were partners in both personal and business growth, not roles in a performance.
And it reminded me: it’s not always the volume of work that drains us. It’s the dynamics we’re in while doing it.
So heading into your week, here’s the question I’m asking:
Where in your life are you stuck in vertical relationships and how can you level the ground?
Sometimes letting go of control is just as freeing as stepping out from under it.
Until next week.
Keep rolling.
Justin 👊
Take Action in 3 Minutes
- Pick one vertical relationship in your life.
- Ask yourself: What would it take to shift this toward horizontal?
- Start by dropping the need to prove anything, and see what changes.